Everyday it feels heavy, everyday it feels as if the weight of the world is pressing on my shoulders. Then again it's always been like that, it's not hard to deal with, just a little annoying. Some days I wish the I could just find a way to take it off. To cast off every shadow and lay them on the floor, leaving them behind as I walk away. Yet it won't be happening any time soon. For now I will push through it, press my ever cold hands against the walls that threaten to close around me and push with all my might.
It still feels odd to hold my own hand. I sit silently with them clasped together in my lap and I can't help but to think about what it use to be like to have someones warm hand wrapped around mine. They feel so small, so thin, so fragile. It makes me feel like a different person, like someone who has never known heartbreak. It seems that I was always just safe, having someone else beside me, someone to hold me together. And now, at the same time I prefer it. I prefer being able to stand on my own, to hold my own pieces together. I may not be good at it, but I am trying. I may not succeed, but I will try. I may be able to be fearless, I'll just keep on trying.
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