Over and over again it happens. It's an endless cycle, a repetitive beginning, a faded ending. And I am getting so tired, all I want is to sleep, to sort everything out and sleep. But I can't. Every night I sit in bed, my face buried in my pillows, trying to breath, trying to relax. The muscles in my body are taut, as if I were ready to fight, as if I could win. Instead I wait, always on the verge of a dreamless world, but never quite close enough. Even with my eyes open I begin to dream, a soft scene playing in front of my unfocused vision. I can blink as many times as possible and still it is there. Never faded.
The bruises under my eyes are definite, as if they are there to remind me even more of everything going through my head, as if they are my prison sentence. I look in the mirror and see the one thing that I could fix, and at the same time it feels like I can't. It feels like if I actually slept I would miss something, something important, something that could change everything. I stay awake all night, tossing and turning. I imagine a thousand things in a thousand seconds. My mind never seeming to shut off. Always humming. Working. Constant.
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